Who Said Brewer's Blackbirds Could Sing?

#FIRSTWORLDPROBLEMS. — Here's a quick outfit photo - my hair is getting long, even after the terrible haircut I received in Guam. Oh, I didn't tell you about that? I went to the largest & poshest hotel's spa in Guam, for a hair trim. A half hour and 5 inches off my hair later, I was leaving.

"Just a trim, please."
"Oh no, you get haircut."

VOLUNTEER. — A couple weeks ago, my squadron from work volunteered to do some Minot trash cleanup. Basically, because of the Minot Flood 2011, there is still so much debris in the river, in once-exclusive neighborhoods, and parks. Those volunteers that usually pick up trash are few and far between due to displacement from the flood waters. We focused on Oak Park, a beautiful neighborhood filled with unique turn-of-the-century and Depression-era homes. The flood had deposited all the trash that had floated downstream at an embankment, blocking a water culvert under a bridge. About fifteen guys were balancing on the trash to pull it out, piece by piece, which took about two hours. Devin even went so far as to channel Huck Finn and use a discarded door as a raft and a 2x4 as a paddle. He glided by and collected trash bags onto his sweet pontoon. Devin's on the left down there, and Larry's in the green jacket. I took the ladies to clean up various trash in the neighborhood, including rotting sandbags and other lovely decomposing jewels (I am on the right in the black and white photo). Regardless, we spent four hours and made a huge impact. A year later and these homes are still in devastation. It's very sad. On the 23rd, Larry and I are running a 5k for Flood Charity, but Larry doesn't know it yet. Dat's a bingo!

SERE LITE. — So it was that time, time to refresh my military survival skills. We drove to the Canadian border and set up our training area in the Turtle Mountains… I suppose 2,900' in elevation is a mountain for North Dakota. After a few hours of classroom instruction, we headed out to practice fire craft, making a shelter (that we got to sleep in that night, joy of joys), day & night land navigation, shot a shit ton of flares and parachute signals, practiced some cool classified stuff, and of course, enemy evasion through the woods. We found a huge leg bone in the woods - I sure hope it wasn't human… It was rainy and cold (40°F) for the duration, just like my first survival training in 2009 (0°F and rainy). Guess some things never change! We spent the night in our lean-to shelters and generally froze our asses off. Sure beats sitting at a desk at work, though!

LA FAMILIA. — For Memorial Day, Larry's mom and her gentleman friend ventured over by car from Seattle, Washington. Quite a haul, I must say. As they rolled into town, the weather became overcast and chilly. The sun didn't come out the entire time they were visiting! We even drove to Canada to see the Peace Gardens - which were overgrown and sad in its winterish state. But, of course, the weather cleared the day they left to sunshine. Figures!

I'm heading down to North Carolina to welcome the birth of my first nephew over Fourth of July. It's our family's first boy ("May your first child be a masculine child") and I'm super excited to see him. He will be about two weeks old by then. I will get to visit with my parents and my sister & her husband (whom I never see).

HEALTHY BODY, SICK MIND. — Today I am going to try my hand at grinding my own wheat berries to make flour for baking. Larry gave me a grain grinder for my (upcoming) birthday and I want to give it a go. Speaking of domestic, I planted a small vegetable garden in the back yard using 100-year old bricks I found in our yard. I have lettuce, carrots and tomatoes; the squirrels dug up my beans, the bastards. Today I am planting spaghetti squash. If you're interested (feign like you are), the bread recipe can be found here. If you need grain & supplies, Honeyville Grain has flat shipping for $4.49 per order.

For B-52 ops: Finished my latest checkride. We just finished an exercise and are looking to another one this next week - can we say "Alert Shack"? Can't wait... Oh, and while studying for my checkride, I thought you might enjoy the sweet retro illustrations in the aircraft manual. 1950s, what?

On Second Thought

EP EVENING. — Boy, the blog entries are at a screeching halt lately! I've been quite busy at work and at home; so sorry this creative outlet has fallen to the wayside. But boring apologies aside, I've been doing well with my job as the… you know what? I'm not going to talk about work because there are more interesting things to discuss.

Last night, a group of thirteen of us invaded 10 North Main for a fabulous evening out. Larry set everything up and played humble host as we were seated in a private back party room. No, not party room like the one you "reserved" at the McDonald's for your birthday party… well perhaps there are some similarities... but anyway, the room was pretty rad - it had a turntable set up with one hundred or so vinyl records to choose from. I found a Dean Martin album and put that on, and they also had Herb Alpert albums, too! I played DJ (literally) until dessert, when another vinyl vixen stepped in with Kool & the Gang. Ladies' night, anyone?

WINE-OH. — On the subject of ladies' night, I was invited to a Squadron Spouses' club wine party on base at one of the spouse's houses (rhymes). A lot of the spouses are pretty reserved, so I felt a little silly showing up in my super spy dress, 4-inch heels and a party tray consisting of black olive tapenade, whipped feta & roasted red pepper spread, and sun dried tomato pesto… when everyone was in jeans. Oh (backs out slowly). I guess I didn't receive the memo… But I brought a nice stiff red wine, a Layer Cake Shiraz, and didn't wait for the crowd to start. It's a wine party, let's get the wine & party started, am I right? I was actually the only person to get dropped off and picked back up so I could enjoy a nice time. Thanks, Larry!

I met some new ladies and saw not-so-new ones that I've been in a group study with (Not new; like, a whole month old, haha). I had a fun time, and left around nine. Larry and I attempted to scrounge up some dinner, but every nicer restaurant in town had either closed or stop serving food. I had a supper of a bourbon cocktail and half an ice cream sundae. CLASSY SHIT. Speaking of which, here are the "prom photos" from the International Military Ball a few weeks ago. Steph and I both look like we don't want to pose with our dates. Have to say the dates have significantly improved since my last prom rodeo, however.

RULES OF THE RUNWAY. — Spring has sprung and that means shopping for a few things for spring (and summer - cruise!) Because I have the most difficult time finding clothes that fit, with my freakishly long waist and ridiculous boobs, I've found it's best to avoid shirt or dress descriptions bearing these adjectives: cowl-neck, draped, babydoll, slub, ruffle-front, boxy, shift, blouson, sheer, built-in bra, oversized, cropped, strappy, backless, empire waist. I did find a couple things, and I'll try to be better about fashion posts. I receive most of my visit hits from google searches for the fashion-rabid, so Brace Yourself: More hairstyle and makeup pictures are coming. For now, here is an outfit that I've put together for springing into… spring. Clever.

HEALTHY BODY. — To follow up on the progress we've made since we watched the film Food Matters, Larry and I have cut out the following from our diet: high fructose corn syrup, most refined white sugar, vegetable oils (including corn oil & soybean oil), anything with the word "hydrogenated", or any artificial sweeteners. I've been challenging myself to make healthy, delicious meals - and it's really not that tough. You just have to trash the stuff in your house that's bad and never look back. We've been eating a lot of soups with fresh ingredients. This morning I made awesome pancakes with whole wheat flour, honey, and coconut oil (instead of vegetable oil). Bon appetit & c'est magnifique! It seems like I have more energy and feel good about what foods I am putting into my body. Now, if I can just get into a workout routine… C'mon, weather!

Back in the USA

N7 SLIPPERS. — Why, yes, I am back CONUS! That's in the continental United States for you non-military types. I arrived back in town close to midnight on April fourth. I helped unload the pallets of luggage (hundreds of bags) before heading home at 0130 with my fabulous husband. Being that I was half a day ahead of Minot on time schedule, I didn't end up sleeping much anyhow. I did get a couple of winks on the flight back, armed with combat slippers. I harassed the Master Sergeant next to me about not having said combat items on his person. Yes, I wear a low ponytail, take off all my makeup, and don cushiony slippers instead of flight boots. Toward the end of the flight, I hogged the bathroom to reapply makeup and look like a million bucks. Standard. Over there is a photo of me in my new N7 Mass Effect Hoodie. It's pretty much my most favorite ever. Kind of like the Mass Effect franchise itself.

BUNNY RANCH. — I suppose the first event was a nice, quiet Easter the weekend of my return. In addition to the thrill of spotting a few bunnies on our evening walks, I made a home-made breakfast of Eggs Benedict, home fries, fruit and mimosas. We walked down the street to the Lutheran church for services; they shared the Easter message and featured their pipe organ to play uplifting and inspiring hymns. Here are some photos of us in our Sunday best, fighting off the dastardly squirrels that attack our bird feeders incessantly. Anyone have a BB gun? Want a squirrel pelt hat?

As for the rest of the week, I just tottered around the house, marveling at how much dust builds up and how dirty your home gets after four months vacated. After arranging the house to my liking, I invited my friend Stephanie from Portland to fly in and visit for the weekend. You know me: if I'm not overly busy, I'm not living! So with the Military Ball on the upcoming Saturday evening, I decided to entertain Steph and Devin on Friday night with a nice dinner. If you remember, Steph was my only bridesmaid in my wedding, besides my sister as maid of honor. She means a lot to me… and she has been going through some tough stuff lately, so it only seemed natural to have her come out for a fabulous North Dakota weekend. Here is a photo of the dining room set up for said dinner.

METAL CHURCH. — Since Saturday cleared up to be the most beautiful day on record, Steph and I ventured down the street to the Gol Stave Church Museum. It's pretty much Minot's claim to fame… if it had one. I suppose death-dealing bombers and a replica Scandinavian church = Minot, North Dakota. Anyway, we took our artfag cameras to capture what is considered to be the most metal church in existence. It has dragons on the roofs along side crosses. How could you argue with that! The park also features a 25-foot red horse painted in Scandinavian style, and a small home or two that has grass growing on the roof. Too quaint! The gift shop was closed, but Steph had lots of photos to remember her visit to Minot.

INT'L BALL. — Later on Saturday, we had Minot Air Force Base's 24th Annual International Military Ball (international meaning Canada, too). Luckily, she brought a gown and Devin just happened to be sans date. Not for long, though! The ball featured a fabulous bagpipes and drum band, but I had to tell the DJ to pick it up, because the songs he was playing were dull. "Tommy Dorsey had so many upbeat hits. Let's play one of them…" I don't think "I'll Never Smile Again" gets the party started. Speaking of getting the party started, the Air Force group that played after featured a repertoire of five songs. Five. Hits included such gems as "Crazy In Love" by Beyonce and some Black Eyed Peas song. Fine once, but then just a few minutes in, they started repeating. A live band. Repeating songs not twenty minutes into their set. Oh God. But overall it was a good time, and we had good people at our table! Plus, it was so nice to finally have Larry around. I told him at the cocktail hour I kept forgetting he was there because it'd been so long since we went to an official function together… precisely a year and four months, if you must know actualities. It was like a pleasant surprise to turn around and see him (being handsome) every time! Actually having a date that isn't deployed or in training is amazing; I think I can speak for us both. I've had some people ask why I didn't wear my mess dress. If you can't determine why from this photo, then let's just say that I wanted to just be a spouse for one evening. The official reason is that this even wasn't a mandatory military function, so it was my choice if I did. Oh! & I have to take credit for Steph's hair. ♥

INT'L BALL. — Lastly, Larry and I watched a short documentary called Food Matters. It's about vitamins and organic food and how your body is its own natural healer. Now, I'm not some food nut, but those who know me are aware I don't eat red meat or pork for health reasons, and for unsanitary slaughterhouse conditions. I've done some research on alternatively healthy living, but we've decided to read up a little more on it. I bought organic strawberries the other day, and the cashier and bag boy were raving about how colorful and bright they looked. And they tasted like real strawberries! So much fruit is so bland now; my grandma remarked a few years ago about how good bananas were when she was a little girl. Now they are sadly bland. My mom had a huge garden when I was growing up and we kept chickens for their eggs. I've found a spouse in my squadron that raises hens and knows the scoop on local produce and meat. Hopefully I'll see and feel some positive changes from eating well! Yenta says, "What, no seconds on lentil soup? You don't like my cooking? I bet you'd rather me just drop dead and not cook for you anymore. Maybe then you'd miss that lentil soup."

I return to work this Friday to start my new job as Squadron Executive Officer. It's basically just a secretary job for the commander... But it's something new and different!

Bon Giorno!

PWNAGE. — When no one's around, I slowly evolve back into gamer mode. Now, I know your next question is, "What's gamer mo-" Well, I'll tell you. It's Diet Coke and Sun Chips for sustenance. It's when wine and cereal becomes an absolutely nutritious dinner (carbs, sugars, and fruit). Feeling just a little high and mighty about being a squad leader for a group of fourteen-year-old boys on Mass Effect Online Multiplayer. Oh, it's three a.m. already? & ...forgetting about everything else crazy in the world except the one you're playing in. That's been nice lately.

Here is a photo of me in a work shirt, looking rather plain and mousey. I did dye my hair darker. I have always felt more comfortable with darker hair, although I'd kill for blonde without roots to deal with. C'est la vie!

MAN BABIES. — I am very ready to go home. One of the things I've grappled with on this deployment is getting along with 60+ Type-A, domineering men. Half still believe they should be running things like the fraternity house. I'm sick of the hazing, bullying bullshit and I refuse to be a part of it. Nothing irks them more than people that are uninterested in the "Bro Club". It's tough for women in this sense, it really is. I am a woman, and have no desire to be a man (or whatever "man" they claim to be). I love being a woman, and all the fun, feminine things that go along with it. I am in the military for one purpose: to fulfill my duties; to accomplish my job. If this pisses people off, then so be it. As a wise civilian lady at my Navigator training base exclaimed, "You do you, and I'll do me." Such wise words; stay out of other people's business! Damn, err'body up in my business - which has never been something new, for as long as I can remember.

SCUSI. — Getting geared up for me & Larry's trip to the Mediterranean in the late summer. I've started learning some basic Italian phrases - it's like a combination of French (which I can speak) and Spanish. It's easy to pronounce and I very much enjoy the sound of it. Very expressive. Quite beautiful. I think I will very much like Italy more than Northern Germany, where we went last summer. Time to re-watch Le Mepris, La Dolce Vita, and Roman Holiday. What are your favorite Italian-scenery films?

Counting the Days

ADEPT. — Early this month, Mass Effect 3 was released for XBOX 360. Now, Mass Effect is pretty much one of my favorite video game franchises, and I've been looking forward to each of the three releases for a very long time. The final installment of the game! In Guam, we are a day ahead of everyone else, so I technically picked up my game a day earlier than everyone else. That being said, I flew a 19 hour mission the day after its release, so I had little time to play it the first day. By the weekend, I had completed the story. I was a little surprised at the short length of the game; the other two were 40 hour or so games. This one I completed in about 26 hours. But, all this what it is, the Mass Effect games are over. Say it ain't so! I will most definitely miss Commander Shepard, as Larry will also miss the time he gets to himself while I play these games. Oddly enough, he missed both the epic releases of Skyrim & Mass Effect 2/3, so he might be able to have some attention upon my return home. Maybe.

COMBAT SLIPPERS. — I am very close to my time to return home, as I mentioned, and it's only a few short weeks away. I have been informed I'll be riding the commercial troop transport back home, instead of the B-52. This means I can sleep, wash my face, use a sit-down toilet, and wear slippers on the long journey. When I was flying commercial up to Red Flag Alaska last August for that multi-national air exercise, upon takeoff, I slipped out of my combat boots and into some fuzzy slippers. That's how I roll. They usually have the nicest flight attendants, too - but then again, they say we're the nicest customers they have. People just don't say "sir" or "ma'am" anymore, & lack basic kindness and manners.

Larry is catching a plane from Baltimore to Minot today for his return home. He gets to go to the neatest places to stay overnight or longer. Like, actual cities. I joined the Air Force to travel, but I'm doomed to bounce back and forth between North Dakota and Louisiana my entire career. Kind of a let down. But nonetheless, Larry is going to be home and visiting his family soon. I'll be right on his heels, rolling in the first week of April. The commander mentioned there are "reintegration briefings" for the spouses to attend to "get used" to living with their husbands again. I guess people have real problems with it. I know it's always go and leave with Larry and I, having only spent a few months under one roof in the past three years. Amie says her fiance (who also works in our squadron) and Larry should go to the briefings together and be the only two military dude spouses. Reintegration... after four months? That's the time the men here have been away from their wives, it was nine for me and my husband. We're just like... whatever. It's the military. Get over it.

FIVE K. — Yesterday I ran my first public 5k. The only question I have is: "Do people usually do this for fun?" It's Guam's largest 5k, with over 2,700 participants. The fastest runner clocked in at 16 minutes. I clocked in at about 30:00.

SHOP. — As I am looking forward to heading home (but definitely not to all the exercises my squadron will be running non-stop until July), I have begun shopping for a few new things for the cruise Larry and I are taking in late August. The blue dress is Heartbreaker Fashion, a retro mother & daughter owned shop that makes their clothing in-house. I've been buying from them for years - the clothes have been high on my fashion list, even though their prices seem to be going for high-fashion these days. Bummer! But the Ray Bans are a light mint color with super retro round frames.

And these two dresses just seem very European to me, or at least would be at home on a cruise ship. I haven't had a chance to try these on, but when I get home they'll be waiting for me. It's usually very hit or miss with me and online shopping. I guess you go with a brand that suits your body type and stick with it, but we'll see how it goes!

LADYATORS. — Yesterday, Amie and I were sitting on the couch, cross-legged, me painting my nails and she combing her hair. There was an issue of Cosmo next to her, and Glamour next to me. Fairly stereotypical ladies' day, right? Well, we were watching a NOVA special safety report show on the French Airbus A330 crash. "Oh, an iced-over pitot tube. That'll do it." "Glad our B-52's don't have a glass cockpit" (glass meaning a LOT of computer control. We have old-style round dials.) Our B-52 pilots are the best pilots in the world. There's no computer interference with takeoffs or landings, and the autopilot is notoriously broken. So, plainly put, our pilots actually fly our planes by hand, not fly by wire, which means computers do not control the flight surfaces or much of any facet of aviating the aircraft. Take that, commercial airline pilots. Posers.

Lastly, can I get a hell yes for the Mad Men premiere on the 25th? The music and fashion are getting corny, but the characters have my attention! Team Betty! Who are your favorite characters & why?

Gone Exploring

/ COPE NORTH. — The large, tri-lateral war games exercises out here in Guam went off without a hitch or accident. The final report mentioned three thousand participants, and a slew of aircraft. I ended my participation with three flights and "engagements." It's interesting to see how the B-52 integrates with players from all over the world. When we took the taxiways, everyone stopped what they were doing to gawk at us. On takeoff, all eyes were on the B-52. No matter who you are or where you come from, this aircraft is synonymous with mass destruction and air superiority. Watch here for a video produced by Andersen AFB for further coverage on the event.

HIKING. — Last weekend, I was invited to go on a hike to see some beautiful areas here on Guam. A few new members from my squadron arrived here for a couple weeks, and one of them is an avid nature explorer. One of my room mates here, the flight doc, goes hiking almost weekly. She returns in her unsoiled white shorts and dry tank top. So, naturally, I figured the hike would be just as taxing, or lack thereof. However... however, this particular hike involved climbing up and down a mountainside full of rocks, climbing down into a cave, carrying your pack over your head in an underwater cavern passage (with the water up over your head), and it was over four hours to get it all done. I managed to keep my camera and equipment dry, but little else in the 85°F and 100% humidity! It rained, as well, but the forest canopy absorbed most of the precipitation. Later that evening, we were troopers and went out to dinner. From hiking to glam in just a few hours. It's true, only few can manage it...

When I was walking along the beach this weekend, I happened upon a Tern nest. I'll have to bring my camera next time. It's interesting that no matter where you point your camera on this island, most of the time it's postcard material.

MUSICA. — I've managed to rally enough musicians in my squadron to put together a decent Bossa Nova band. I play piano and sing, a pilot named Joe studied saxophone in college, Kevin plays drums, and Devin plays guitar. We just need a bass player (which is usually the easiest piece to find!). I play bass and have all the gear, but it's hard to play bass, piano and sing at the same time. I'm not that talented! So I imagine once we get things up and running, we can play at 10 North Main and other places in Minot. Very excited, & yes, I will sing in Portuguese! It should add to the fun, and I can fool people into thinking I am a diva...

Já dancei o twist até demais
Mas não sei, me cansei,
Do calipso, ao chá chá chá

Pranks & Promotions

STODGEY. — This week, I started the PBS Masterpiece series Downton Abbey and enjoyed the first season… in one day. Next, I enjoyed the second season… in one day. The show is so immersive and I've very much become a fan. The dialogue is well-written, the "sets" are gorgeous, and the clothing and character presentation is fabulous. It's such a breath of fresh Hampshire in the stagnant, poisonous stench of reality shows and other current television offerings.

I also hosted a Walking Dead get together with my deployment room mate, Amie, for the season three premiere. As it was invite only, we asked only those in the squadron who had see all the first and second season episodes to attend. Lastly, Mad Men is starting up next month, but I'll only be able to watch the premiere or so, as I will most likely be returning to the 'States around then. Larry and I don't subscribe to cable at home, and rely on Netflix. For such an internet rat, I am surprised I don't come across more spoilers for everything.

My commander borrowed my Skyrim to try out, so it's good timing that I'm currently downloading the Mass Effect 3 demo. See you next month…

COPE NORTH. — Currently, I am in the middle of a gigantic exercise here on the Air Force base. There are three countries involved, and four if you count Canada. We have Japan, Australia, & the U.S. It's a lot like Red Flag in Alaska that I attended last August, but less emphasis on air to ground tactics, and more air to air, I presume. With that being said, there isn't much we B-52 dinosaur aircraft are bringing to each simulated practice engagement. I fly three of these engagements tomorrow, instead of the usual one at two hours; I'll be clocking in at a ten hour sortie. Oy vey. Droning droning droning. Below is a photo taken this week of all the participants in this exercise, including aircraft. Notice the B-52 is front and center.

TRICKY. — Still, there's an extra 1,000 personnel on this base, which makes things very exciting. Amie and I have been playing pranks on the F-15 fighter boys. Each of their rental cars they use to get to and from base has a paper in the window, identifying each with a beer and extremely scantily clad babe. We printed out the same beer identifier, but adorned it with extremely large babes, or ladies with freakishly injected duck lips. Some guys have left them (or haven't noticed), but St. Pauli Girl (which was actually St. Pauli Boy) has been taken down numerous times. And replaced just as many times by us… Such great fun!

Last night we put my co-pilot's bike on his house's roof. Housekeeping got upset. Not sure if he ever noticed where it went.

TEA? PRF? — When I return to Minot, I've been given a real job in the squadron. I'm going to be the squadron executive officer, which is like the military's version of a secretary. I help with others' promotion paperwork, answer phones, prepare awards speeches, read awards speeches, get the commander hot tea… you know, all that awesome stuff. I am extremely pleased because I specifically asked for this position months ago. And, bonus: I'll be sharing the job with a very pleasant friend which will make the duties much easier to tackle (and the hours on the job significantly less). I think we'll make a pretty good team. There are many ho-hum jobs offered, and many people filling them, but only one executive officer. Well, in this case, two.