Random Thoughts

"Why is there a lipstick ring around the Glenkinchie bottle opening?" "I have no idea…"

Due to a base exercise, I had to live on base for a few days in the lovely facilities there. So lovely, in fact, that when I was in the middle of a room furniture snatch scramble (checking in before everyone else so you can swap your crappy furniture/bedding/lamps/fridge with theirs). I noticed above the top bunk bed right over where your head would lay (I arrived first -- bottom bunk claimed), there was a brown, sagging ceiling tile (water damaged). I figured I'd swap that, too. I pulled down the tile, and there was a black garbage bag filled with an unknown liquid substance resting on top. Carefully, yet expeditiously, I replaced the tile back in its supports.

Additionally, I was called into work at 2130 (9:30pm) to begin my long day with the on-base exercise. I had been awake since 0700 that morning; I ended up in bed at 1430 (2:30pm), being awake for a total of 30 hours straight. I slept from 1430 until 0700 the next morning, literally hibernating for over 16 hours. Guess I made up the sleep I lost…

A nurse at the retirement home said I looked like a Sunday School teacher, then said Maria Von Trapp. She exclaimed that I looked "so nice". I try to wear mostly black when I go perform, and a skirt… although I did wear black skinny trousers once. What a rebel. I wore this last week, with the scarf in my hair. Guess I can see where she's coming from.

Minot has a public address system throughout the town for flood warnings, tornado warnings, incoming nuclear blast warnings, and they test it with tones and voice every Monday at 0930. Sometimes I like to pretend it's the end of the world and it's just going to be me and Otto Dog.

Sew, so.

UNPLUGGED. — I am wondering when so-called hipsters will shun cell phones, or at least smart phones. I am the queen of hipsters! I do not use cell phones or text messaging; I am so 1995 it hurts! Take that, you faux hipsters! Read and weep!

WCMD. — This week I got to drop two by CBU-103s, or Wind Corrected Munitions Dispensers (containing a bunch of tiny bombs inside it). Hardly anyone in our squadron has had the opportunity. No big deal, right? I even got a video of it, but can't post it here. Sorry, ladies and gents. Just had to brag about it, though. Watch an extremely similar YouTube video from the Military Channel here. Yeah, get some. Ladies bringing the cluster bomb hurt... Twice. I told all the aircrew that it looked like "a glitter bomb went off."

WAR STORIES. — Today a Vietnam Veteran came to speak to our squadron. He drove F-4's, and was the only Lieutenant Aircraft Commander. While on a bombing run (750 lb. bombs to be exact), he and his backseater ejected from the aircraft approximately two seconds before ground impact. They both survived, and spent six years as Prisoners of War at multiple camps across Vietnam. He endured those years and returned with honor to share his stories with us.

Additionally, he mentioned just how important it is to learn from war veterans; to ensure these stories are not forgotten. It made me think of the tome I read, The Seven Pillars of Wisdom, the autobiography by T.E. Lawrence (aka the Lawrence of Arabia). I have a 1933 (second) edition. I would give anything for the 1922 first edition. They are extremely rare and only a few copies were produced, before reworking (and heavily editing) the latter. It was further edited after the 1933 edition.

HERO. — Anyway, I think about that story almost daily. The amazing bravery, wisdom, and character he had, and all the impossible goals and outcomes set for him to achieve. When I watch the news and see what a sty Damascus, Jeddah, Medina, Aqaba, and Petra have become after everything Lawrence did to help free them from Turkish rule and all while treating their culture with the utmost respect… It seems like such a waste.

It is a waste. It frustrates me that more people don't know about the extensive inner workings that the British crafted to create the Arab Revolt during World War I. People today barely know about European World War I history. In contrast, the Brits do teach about T.E. Lawrence in their history classes; in America, we do not. I could go on and on about this, but I wish I could talk about this topic with someone else who loves and respects this man as much as I do.

"Wisdom hath builded her house, she hath hewn out her seven pillars…"

In other news, here's a photo of me & Larry at the International Military Ball.

HEARTBREAK. — I heard some extremely disappointing and disheartening news today, something very oddly out of the ordinary. Sometimes one has to consider what may affect innocent people outside their tiny sphere. Dragging others through the mud after they have done nothing is heartbreaking. It really makes me melancholy thinking about it.

JUMPING LINUX PENGUINS. — I signed up for a summer class, a programming refresher. Just your usual fare. When you are out of coding and all that schlock for as long as I have been... well, my brain booted the programming and filled it with bombs, B-52H systems knowledge, and aviation nerd noise. Honestly, I believe more brain bytes were lost than replaced. That's life.

Fair Weathered

IT MIGHT AS WELL BE SP… — As a friend of mine has researched, there have been 172 days with snow on the ground in Minot. & being that, in the winter at ol' N48'24"°, the sun usually rises around 0830 and sets around 1630, we get a grand total of eight hours of sunlight in the peak of winter. In fact, we received another couple of inches of snow this morning. Seasonal Affective Disorder knows no bounds in its cozy home of North Dakota.

Rent-a-RN — With my squadron out of country with me a few stragglers left behind, there has been a shortage of radar navigators for use in training missions. Since my upgrade to an experienced Radar Navigator, I have had two flights: one with an inexperienced navigator who was having a terrible day with their timing, and the next I sat in the instructor seat and watched two inexperienced navigators to make sure they didn't eject themselves out of the aircraft or fly us into a mountain. When did I become the babysitter/rent-a-radar? Whatever, it sure beats being almost-experienced and people treating you like a n00b. Feels good, man.

Oh, and get this: the other day I had a flight and the next day I was flying the exact same flight in the simulator. Yeah, right. Because of sequestration, some of the new guys aren't getting the flights and hours they need. So I asked a few of them if they'd like to have the simulator time I was scheduled for. They were already scheduled for a bunch of shit work, like duty officer (man a desk) or vault guard (stand around). So, out of the goodness of my heart, I swapped the vault guard duty so the n00b could get some training. As I was letting him borrow my flight operations check lists, he said, "Well, I actually don't really need this simulator. I did one a few days ago and have all my requirements." I gave him the nicest butt-chewing possible and this happened:

Way Down Upon the Swanee River — I had an epiphany the other day. I was thinking that I haven't done much in the way of community service in Minot; no real "giving back". I was kicking around the idea of volunteering at the animal shelter, helping the pets that might have run away like Cammie did a few months ago. Then I was thinking about how when I lived with my Grandma for a short time in college, how much she enjoyed hearing me play piano.

Yes! That was it! I first called The Parker, an elderly home community downtown and asked if they had any use for a piano player in the evenings, but preferably weekends (50 hours a week jobs and evening activities don't necessarily mix). They hesitantly replied evenings. Phooey.

Next, I called Trinity Health, a local hospital with a Special Elderly Care/Alzheimer's Annex literally across the street from my home. They informed me they have numerous upright pianos, and even a baby grand piano in the main (gigantic) foyer. So, for the past three weekends, I've been starting out in the Alzheimer's wing for an hour at 1000, then moving to a lunch area at 1100, then the main foyer before bingo at 1300. I've already met a few repeat listeners (fans?), including Will, Walter, Myrtle, and Mr. Alan Boat. This past week, unbeknownst to me, $3 Bingo was moved to earlier and I wouldn't have my usual grand piano crowd before the games begun. I wheeled ol' Walter down there with me and just sat playing. Within fifteen minutes, the audience had grown right behind me to seven or eight. "I heard a piano tinkling and I'm glad I found you!"

I play everything from Gershwin to Sinatra to musicals. It's super fun and it sure beats practicing at home.I may have the events coordinator put me on the community center schedule since a few have been sad they missed me play or didn't know I was going to do a program. If you're in the Minot area, come out to Trinity Place Saturdays! I know volunteers are always needed to help score Bingo cards, get members to events and just sit and chat. I saw the bubba who I gave the aforementioned simulator to this week there helping out. Good first impression, mate!

Two Countries Strong — Last weekend was the International Military Ball in Minot. The Canadians come down with their kilts and drums and bagpipes and play some music. A very glamorous older lady walked up to me, pulled me aside, and complimented my gold silk deco-style gown. Little did I know, it was the Lieutenant Governor of Saskatchewan. No big deal…

Anyway, the food was awful but it was nice to see everyone in their best. I will pick up the professional photo this week from the photographer. By the way, on the photographer's table, front and center was a print of Me, Larry, Devin, and Stephanie from last year's event. I told the lady working the table I wanted to look just like HER (and pointed to me). I'm not sure she got the joke. My hair looks like Agyness Deyn now instead of Angelina Jolie. Trade ya faces.

Athletic Supporter

SHAPING UP. — I re-accomplished my Air Force Physical Training test this week. This is a comparison of my score from just a month ago with last Wednesday's test results:

In 60 Seconds:
      Pushups: 31 / 26 (I didn't want to fatigue my core for the sit-ups a minute later)
      Sit-ups: 31 / 44

1.5 Mile Run: 12’30” / 12'10"
Waist: 28" / 28"
Weight (lbs): 146/136 (height: 5'9")

With these statistics, I scored a 92.6%. Just to further drive home how flawed the Air Force fitness tests are, you can still "fail" the test by not meeting the set minimums (even with my score of 86.2% from a month ago). Also, you start the 1.5 mile run from a dead stop. Super healthy…

And speaking of super healthy, I attended the fatbody's "people who failed their PT test class", which is mandatory, to learn about how to eat right, exercise and goal-setting (sigh). When going around the room, with the question posed of "What things have you heard about healthy eating?", I replied curtly "Don't eat food with labels."

It took everyone a minute…

INVOLUSION. — Here's some fan art I did for a band, Involusion.

LEAVE JOBS. — Lots of changes at work lately. After a year as the squadron executive officer, I have moved to working in Standards and Evaluations. I help organize all the folder that contain check rides and tests for air crew. Honestly, it's a step down in a way. Usually you get hooked up, as a former executive officer, with a more "unique" job, but I have a feeling I was just stuck in a dark corner to get rid of me until I (supposedly) move this fall/winter. I also didn't get the opportunity to deploy overseas with my squadron; with no real reason why. The new job is super easy, and way less stressful than the exec job. I likened the new office to a library; it's super quiet, and there's fake, dusty trees in the office. Luckily, I have my iPod.

I put all my effort into my former job. It seems so strange to me they'd put me in a box and shove me upstairs, away from the rest of the squadron, when I love people and helping people so much. Nobody ever comes upstairs (especially now that the whole squadron is deployed). People need help with all sorts of things and they come ask me. Makes you feel purposeful; now, not so much. But hopefully it'll only be six months or so before I move South… and get shoved into a dark, dusty corner again.

In good news at work, I took my flight to become considered experienced as a Radar Navigator in the B-52. This means I get to call all the shots downstairs in the offensive (weapons) compartment. People look to me on the crew to be the authority on all the combat systems management and weapons. When shit happens, I'm supposed to know how to fix it. Next stop is instructor. Woof. Wonder how much I'll have to pay someone off for that certification… ha!

It did make me feel pretty swell to hear the big squadron bosses talking hush-hush about who should be an alternate for deployment (it's a long haul out to the deployment location), and I just got signed off as experienced on Friday. One major said "I evaluated her and she can definitely take charge and run things accordingly." Well, shit. I was asked to be an alternate. Doesn't mean I get to go along with my squadron overseas, but finally, a glimmer of an "attaboy". Those are extremely rare and far-between in this line of work, and rightfully so. No blowing smoke up your butt… at least I wouldn't want it that way.

SO LONG. — Here is a photo of one of the last times I'll see ol' Devin and Amie for a while. & last night, I took Amie out for dinner on me. Lots of ladies take out their best gal pal for dinner or coffee. But it's not because you won't see them for half a year or so. I suppose this is one of the reasons I joined the military -- for all the experiences. Civilians can't always understand saying farewell to your spouse for a year or more. Wondering if you can get time away to see your family this year due to the MAJCOM schedule, and feeling guilty taking the time off because you don't want to let your squadron down during inspections or exercises. Continuous credit and background checks, monitored personal e-mails. And let me tell ya: nail art is totally out.

Here is a summer look I just invested in. Yes, it's still 23°F here in Minot, North Dakota, but I feel like if I lighten my hair, stock up on shorts and self-tanner, the six feet of snow piled on my front lawn might dissipate more quickly. Sure thing.

Just Crumbs

SPRING FORWARD? — Oh, the cabin fever! Larry's so desperate for summer he is grilling out in 17°F, in short sleeves. I've been so desperate for physical activity of any sort that I have been hitting the gym everyday, and some days it hits back. I'm trying to get ready for my next physical fitness test, on 27 March. Larry is obviously practicing for bachelorism when I deploy over the summer. And with the Daylight Savings Time, there is more time to grill before it gets dark. It's a winning situation for all involved, really.

Additionally, Minot received a foot of snow last weekend, and we actually had a fabled "Snow Day" on Monday. Living in Florida was awesome because we'd get "Hurricane Days" regularly where you didn't have to go to work (unless it was Blockbuster -- I drove there during a hurricane once to visit a friend. I wondered why the roads were so empty…). I never realized how much "planning" (or non-plans) go into a day off. So I sat on my duff and played Skyrim. All day. Except when I made black bean and tofu burritos for dinner. Who says vegetarian/gluten-free has to be unappetizing? Not me. I sauteed green and red peppers, red onion, black beans, almond cheese, and honey Greek yogurt.

RAIMI RADIENCE. — On Saturday, I went to see Oz the Great and Powerful. Nice visuals, although I was disappointed that the witches didn't wear striped tights or ruby slippers. In fact, they didn't seem to wear much of anything at all. I did notice a lot of Sam Raimi influence, from the Dark Forest (reference the "rape trees" from Evil Dead) to the witches flying around by magic (Army of Darkness), or how the hottie Mila turned into a hideous witch after Ash, arm, Oz, breaks her heart (again, Army of Darkness). Additionally, when the Witch of the East gets pwnd, her makeup looks super similar to the S-Mart deadite at the very end of Army of Darkness. And of course, Bruce Campbell's comical cameo as an Emerald City guard.

I think Mila's makeup might have looked less weird if they would have shaded her eyebrows differently. I think that would have made a huge difference -- it looks super phony. She looked like The Mask.

BEGGIN' STRIPS. — I have an absurd dachshund that loves the following snacks:

apples
oranges
celery
red peppers
yellow peppers
green peppers
carrots
almond cheese
cucumbers
broccoli
popcorn … what a little weirdo.

Win Some, Lose Some.

ON A JET PLANE. — Since it's been a while since my last update, I've learned I am deploying soon. Breaker's Bar and Grill will be in full swing again. My proposed move to Louisiana in the late summer, that I was really looking forward to, is pretty much forgotten about at this time. I don't know where I'll be in six or seven months, or how I will sell my house from thousands of miles away. Because of this, Larry and I are considering just letting him move to any Air Force base he wants in the world, and I'd finish my two more years here in Minot. If I don't move by 18 December, this is the plan that most likely will occur. What's another two years apart, right? We've already done that once…

LAME. KNEE. — Yesterday was rated to be a pretty awful day. Of course, it started with me running a few minutes late for work. I had my Air Force physical training test to take (and in equally dorky a uniform) and it seemed I couldn't make it out of the house without forgetting something. Lunch, tea, gym bag, wallet, keys, etc… I fell and ate shit on an extra slippery 6" of solid ice near my garage. My knee broke the fall, of course, with a 1.5 mile run to do in an hour. I considered going back inside and calling off the test, but I told myself to stop being so lame and just do it. And I did.

So, the results were that I cut 1+30 minutes off my 1.5 mile run time, 1/2" off my waist measurement, lost ten pounds (5'8.5"/143 lbs/BMI 21.4), all since six months ago. I performed 38 pushups in one minute and 31 sit-ups in one minute.

However, I had to achieve 38 sit-ups (and only 17 pushups) to make minimums to pass the test. So I failed on inability to perform seven more sit-ups. Whoops. Now I have to take a three hour class on nutrition, healthy lifestyles, and fitness. So, Air Force, you are telling me that an organic, plant-based diet (vegetarian/vegan) advocate who runs a 12+30 minute 1.5 mile run, a 112/62 blood pressure and a 28" waist (size 6) has to attend a class on diet and lifestyle changes. Oh, the irony. They'll probably tell me to "curb my fast food intake" or "watch the energy drinks and sodas". Gross on both accounts.

After that hideous time at the gym, I went straight to a doctor's appointment to get six vials of blood drawn for the usual tests. Vampirism, really. Needless to say, I was pretty bummed. I feel like it's damned if you do, damned if you don't with the whole physical fitness test. I eat extremely healthily, and work out with weight training and cardio three times a week. I take a lot of great natural supplements to improve my focus and outlook. I have never felt so clear minded, fit, and alert, ever. But I feel pretty awful about the assessment. There's really no way around that for a type-a personality. We don't really like to fail at anything -- it's extremely personal for us. So yeah, sucks.

RUNAWAY HOUND. — In other news, our German Pinscher, Cammie, chased a rabbit out of the yard on 26 January. It was -4°F outside and the windchill was in the -20°Fs. We spent hours in the dark and snow searching for her, to no avail. We did the same the next night. I contracted a terrible cold from being so cold for that long. Saturday was spent searching as well. The temperature sank to -18° with -45°F wind chills. No sign of her. We put up flyers -- nobody called.

I came across a community online, where a member had mentioned they had a black and tan dog at their house that looked thin. We checked it out, but it wasn't Cammie. It had a totally different face. C'mon people, really.

Three and a half weeks later, we received a telephone call from Animal Control. They saw the flyers and had a call about a dog matching that description two weeks earlier, but was unable to coax the dog out. It was a mere four streets north of our house, so we jumped in the car to check it out. Cammie was under an out building, in the dirt and rubble, deathly thin. She was growling at everyone, and retreating further back under the shed in fear. The guy who lived at the house brought out some Milkbone treats, and Larry and I tried to get her to sniff the goodie. I jingled food in her bowl. After about five minutes, she came out and immediately starting wagging her tail and jumping all over us. She was so thin you could see every bone; she easily would have died after another week.

What I can't understand is why the dude living at the house didn't set out food for her. "I thought she had pups under there…" Then why would you not feed her? Would you like to sleep outside on the frozen ground in -20°F weather and slowly starve to death? What a cruel person…

We brought her home, gave her our homemade dog food (hamburger, brown rice, carrots, green beans, tuna, and eggs) and she ate like a champ. She settled into her big, cushiony bed and relaxed and rested. She is doing just fine, and in one week, has completely filled out: no more bones. However, she doesn't have the muscle definition she did. It's a miracle she survived almost a month of sub-zero temperatures with so little meat on her. She has a little bit of frostbite on the end of her stubby tail, and on her ear tips. She is in great spirits, and just loves being with us and little Otto dog again. This story had a happy ending.

… — I know this post seemed like a lot of gloom and doom, but that's just the ebb and flow of life. I'm at a lower spot right now, but I suppose it could always be worse (or better). I see my co-worker, a civilian working at the desk next to mine, getting a $600/month cut in her pay due to sequestration. These congressional fat cat do-nothings get so much money per year and keep voting themselves a raise -- and they get a salary for life. The good people I know are having a really hard time and it's just so disappointing. I am losing a lot of faith in a lot of things for now. I need a change of everything.Here is the back of a shirt I designed for my squadron:

Culture Crowding

MAD BEATS. — I've been listening to a lot of 1990s electroclash/big beat lately. Chris left a hard drive with all his music here, and among it I found Aphex Twins' Selected Ambient Works 85-92. Sometimes you just need to shut it all off and think about nothing. Big beat aids in that endeavor. Oddly enough, it also helps you to create and think of ideas if the mood should strike.

SO WHAT. — The Air Force Navigators/Observer's Association called me yesterday to ask if I wanted to be their keynote speaker at their annual convention in Savannah this year. My commander says I can go, but I wonder if the Association thought about importing a female instructor from the Navigator Training Program to speak. Now, I get that I am their youngest member, and I am their first and only female member, so they would like to see what I have to say. The old heads are quite intrigued by my membership. It's still a man's military, but we ladies get to play once in a while.

Is that too politically incorrect to say to retired Colonels? It's true. My friend Crystal is moving to teach at the Navigator Training School in a couple weeks; I was going to ask her if she'd be interested in the opportunity. Her farewell dinner was this weekend; Larry and I braved subzero temperatures to join the festivities. A big North Dakota outing… to the local steakhouse. I had a salad and potato and three too many cocktails. Standard.

すし. — I tried my first attempt at crafting sushi last night. Nailed it, first try. People, it's not super tough! Just Google "How to make sushi" and there are tons of video resources. I made $40 worth of restaurant sushi for about $13. Bargain basement here, people. Mm, bargain sushi. Get some. Anyway, I threw together a shiitake mushroom fish stock soup to serve with it; that was amazing. Since I went all out last night on sushi, I'm going to grind some wheat berries and make almond butter pancakes for dinner. Whatever.

hax0rz. — I find it extremely disappointing that the student at Dawson College in Montreal, Canada, reported a bug in their servers' security system so they could fix it, and instead was arrested. I tried to find the news sources about it, but it seems they've been scrubbed. Hmm. uberhax. Speaking of which, check out the weather hack from this past weekend. Oh wait, that's some for real shit.

CLIPPING. — Today I got my hair cut n' colored with Mr. Ladner. I mean, what? I don't color my hair or anything…(well, not like I used to). Once again, feels good, man. Here's an ink sketch I did this weekend. It's based on the last scene in Hackers.